“What tea would you like?” asked the waitress as she flipped open the top of a tea box in front of us.

“English Breakfast” said I AND Mark, almost in unison. “English breakfast it is” said the waitress – as she opened two bags, placed them in our mugs, and poured the hot water, with the agility of someone who does that for a living!

“I will be back with your orders soon” she said and walked away leaving us to enjoy our beverage in the beautiful café. We were in the heart of Big Sur, California, our first vacation together. We both sat in silence for a few moments watching the steam rise from our tea, the smell of English Breakfast in the air.

It was I who broke the silence, as always ;), I looked at Mark and said “English Breakfast?”

To understand the gravity of this moment, I have to take you to a flashback. Mark and I had met about 1 year prior, while I was living & working on the east coast taking a break from my life in LA. Or I should say my life in LA had broken – such – that I had decided to move temporarily to the east coast. Previously, I had been living in LA for 5 years with my beloved sister, both of us working full-time remotely as Software Engineers and studying film part-time at UCLA. When my sister got diagnosed with cancer and passed away in a matter of weeks, my life had broken irrevocably – at least that‘s how it felt at the time. My manager worried that my life in LA, so wrapped around my sister, was a little too dangerous, and invited me to work at our head office on the east coast surrounded with colleagues. And I did.

While in NY, I met Mark and we instantly felt a connection. Over the next weeks & months, we became best-friends who came to know each other’s hearts. Mark seemed to understand the devastation mine was going through. When I told him I was going back to LA – to face my life without my sister, he didn’t try to stop me. But he did offer to come over to be with me for a few days, saying “the first few days are going to be the worst. I won’t be able to offer much relief but I can stop the house from being empty.” I accepted his offer. I came back – to my intolerably empty life in LA – but not to an empty house.

My sister and I loved Chai!. We had a box of Chai, with various kinds of Chai in it. Over the years the “Chai Box” had turned into a “Tea Box” with various kinds of other teas that we liked. And although British and Indian people have historically had “just a little bit of differences”, they share their love of tea! Their love of tea is so deep that they both think that a cup of Chai or tea can fix pretty much anything. Indeed, the British have a phrase for it, they call it “giving tea & sympathy” right? So, not long after we had both flown back to LA, and on an evening when I had been sobbing for hours grieving my sister, Mark said the words that have become legendary in our household, he said, “alright, time for some mother’s tea”- that’s just what Mark calls it. He then walked into my kitchen, opened my box of Chai or tea, and after shuffling through it for a bit, looked up at my tear-stricken face, smiled and asked “how about some Earl Gray?” Realizing that he had found his favorite tea in my tea box, I nodded.

And that started our ritual of having Earl Gray tea together. Mark flew back to Long Island after a few days, but he would return every month, our friendship deepening into love. I ensured that I had his favorite tea in my tea box whenever he visited and upon his arrival, I would make a fresh pot of Earl Gray that we would enjoy together. A year later, my heart still grieving, he had moved-in with me in LA.

And we find ourselves back to where we started, in the café on our first vacation together, in Big Sur, where we had both just asked the waitress – for an – English – Breakfast – tea.

Now you know the gravity of the moment!

So I asked. “English Breakfast?”

He looked at me a bit worried and said, “I have to tell you something. I – don’t like Earl Gray very much.”

I was aghast. “What? Then why do you always want it when you visit me?” I demanded.
“I don’t. I drink it because YOU like it so much.”
“I don’t. YOU made me Earl Gray tea the very first time you made me tea in my house.” I exclaimed flabbergasted.
“That’s because YOUR tea box only had Earl Gray tea.”

And suddenly the penny dropped and I burst out laughing. Through fits of laughter, I explained that the reason why my tea box only had Earl Gray tea is because neither my sister nor I liked that tea so that was the only tea left, and because I had not done any grocery shopping after returning from NY to LA before Mark had arrived, that is the tea he found. And when he had offered to make it for the first time, choice of tea was the last thing on my mind.

“So the whole time we were tolerating Earl Gray tea because we thought – that the other liked it!” I exclaimed.

And that was a sweet moment as we realized how gentle and suggestible we could be to each other. Knowing this made us more mindful around each other. There have been many times since then when we would both be deferring to each other about doing something or not doing something, eating something or not eating something, when one of us will suddenly stop and ask “Are we having an Earl Gray moment?!!”

More than a filmmaker/storyteller, Swati turns ideas into experience. She is a loved wife, a sister & mother – of cats as well as two daughters; her miracle-children. She is also an environmentalist and an immigrant to the United States. She can be reached via Linkedin and swati@TiredAndBeatup.com